'In Christ Alone' is a song I heard last monday when ma'am Net, my Social Psychology teacher, presented to us this sort of music video as our opening prayer before we start our class. Truthfully, at that moment I was nearing the edge of losing hope. Or to be more specific, losing faith. Last week, when I was in my wavering moment, kinukulit ko si Bro for signs. Signs to assure me that He's listening to my prayers. That He's answering it. I wanted assurance that there is really nothing to worry about.
Until I heard the song..
...my strength and my hope is Christ alone..
I remembered feeling teary eyed. I wanted to cry, but I dont wanna make any drama inside the class so I kept it in. But inside my heart was a myriad play of emotions. Bliss, shame, relief..
My sister was right. Whatever happened to the strong girl that I have always been bragging? Just because of a simple paranoia and my faith was slowly going the drain and replacing it with fear.'sigh'
You might then be wondering what I wanted to point out here. Well, it's just simple. My title tells it all. IN CHRIST ALONE, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. IN CHRIST ALONE, WE FIND OUR REFUGE. IN CHRIST ALONE, WE FIND OUR HEALER. IN CHRIST ALONE, WE FIND LOVE AND JOY.
I've learned my lesson. And that's not to lose faith even if life smack us real hard. Because in faith, God would cushion our falls, absorb all our pains, and would always hold on to our hands,even if were not doing the same thing.
---and, oh yeah, before I forget. PRAYER WORKS. Nakikinig si Bro and sinasagot niya tayo. After all, were His brothers and sisters. He has no reasons to disregard our prayers. So my friends, keep praying. Humawak lang tayo kay Bro. We'll all be fine. ;)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
beauty or vanity..?
THE PERFECT BEAUTY
Your physical appearance is very important. There are probably a lot of things that you could change if you could. Well, I have good news for you. in today's world, you can! isnt that great?
You can go to a doctor and have your cheeks lifted; you can have your nose done, your lips made fuller, or your hips made smaller. In fact, you can have your entire body re-made to look like the beautiful woman you've always wanted to be.
Have you considered what an insult it is to God to change something He fashioned with his own hands? Do you think that God loves that woman more now because she fits the ideal image of Barbie? Did the world need yet another Barbie, or was there some beauty in that woman just being her natural self and being the woman that God created?
You are unique for a reason. God made your eyes that way for specific purpose. He decided to make your hips that wide or slim for a reason. He gave you that thin lips for a reason. He wanted your hair to be short and coarse or long and curly. He designed you that way coz he didint want another Barbie. He wanted you! The world does not need another Heather Locklear or Pamela Anderson Lee. The world needs you!
Now of course we should take care of what the Lord has given us. We can certainly put our best foot forward when it comes to our appearance. However we must'nt desire to change it because this desire most often stems from a spirit of covetousness and jelousy of what someone else have been given. God wants us to be so tickled by what He blessed us with that we desire not to fit into the mold of the world's standard of beauty but to shine as we, His women, become the new standard of what beaty looks like.
- An excerpt from Priscilla Evanshirer's ' A Jewel In His Crown'
(which I've taken from the Kerygma aug. 2003 special edition: How to Be Beautiful, Inside And Out by Chat Silayan-Bailon)
Now here's what I say:
That had definitely hit a mark on me. And probably for some too. Let's face it,Im not the only one who most often than not waste money on some beauty products in hope to get a new look. And Im certainly not the only one who yearns for a better look, sexier body etcetera etcetera. The article even reminded me of a nice anecdote about a woman, who's life was extended by God,and got practically her entire body done for a hotter look. And when she died and questioned God's promise to her, He only replied, ' I didnt recognize you.' ( Hardy har har ;) )
Life before and life at the present has definitely a great gap of difference. Basing on what the public has conditioned us on the concept of beauty, if you have wrinkles remedy it with an anti-wrinkle face cream or you'll end up in isolation. If youre not white, use whitening creams or lotions or you wont even be worth the notice. If your fat then despair, if your hot and sexy then rejoice. I may be exaggerating it a bit but the way I see it, that's how reality goes. tsk. tsk. It's like we have to keep up with that standard to earn confidence and fame. But here's what I think, we need confidence to blow that stupid standard off and define beauty in our own way. No bias. No discriminations. No making people feel bad, to put it simply.
The article is right. We are unique for a reason. We look like the way we are because Go wants us to learn something. To experience something more valuable than cosmetic surgery, than whitening soaps( I plead guilty),or slimming products. He created us differently because He didnt want another Barbie look alike, rather He wanted you. Us. Just the way we are; naturally beautiful. We only have to look in a mirror and and realize that we are indeed beautiful. A creation of perfection. Our infallible God's master piece. All we need is confidence and faith. Feel good in the inside and let it radiate from your soul and touch every people you meet and be as attractive as anyone could be. We could dress up and look our best. But we should never do extraordinary things to look what we think is best even when unnecessary. Because then that wouldnt be best, it would be artificial. And that would suck away the true essence of beauty.
Hmm..reading Kerygma really makes sense, however outdated the magazine i found sitting by our telephone stand.Hahaha
Your physical appearance is very important. There are probably a lot of things that you could change if you could. Well, I have good news for you. in today's world, you can! isnt that great?
You can go to a doctor and have your cheeks lifted; you can have your nose done, your lips made fuller, or your hips made smaller. In fact, you can have your entire body re-made to look like the beautiful woman you've always wanted to be.
Have you considered what an insult it is to God to change something He fashioned with his own hands? Do you think that God loves that woman more now because she fits the ideal image of Barbie? Did the world need yet another Barbie, or was there some beauty in that woman just being her natural self and being the woman that God created?
You are unique for a reason. God made your eyes that way for specific purpose. He decided to make your hips that wide or slim for a reason. He gave you that thin lips for a reason. He wanted your hair to be short and coarse or long and curly. He designed you that way coz he didint want another Barbie. He wanted you! The world does not need another Heather Locklear or Pamela Anderson Lee. The world needs you!
Now of course we should take care of what the Lord has given us. We can certainly put our best foot forward when it comes to our appearance. However we must'nt desire to change it because this desire most often stems from a spirit of covetousness and jelousy of what someone else have been given. God wants us to be so tickled by what He blessed us with that we desire not to fit into the mold of the world's standard of beauty but to shine as we, His women, become the new standard of what beaty looks like.
- An excerpt from Priscilla Evanshirer's ' A Jewel In His Crown'
(which I've taken from the Kerygma aug. 2003 special edition: How to Be Beautiful, Inside And Out by Chat Silayan-Bailon)
Now here's what I say:
That had definitely hit a mark on me. And probably for some too. Let's face it,Im not the only one who most often than not waste money on some beauty products in hope to get a new look. And Im certainly not the only one who yearns for a better look, sexier body etcetera etcetera. The article even reminded me of a nice anecdote about a woman, who's life was extended by God,and got practically her entire body done for a hotter look. And when she died and questioned God's promise to her, He only replied, ' I didnt recognize you.' ( Hardy har har ;) )
Life before and life at the present has definitely a great gap of difference. Basing on what the public has conditioned us on the concept of beauty, if you have wrinkles remedy it with an anti-wrinkle face cream or you'll end up in isolation. If youre not white, use whitening creams or lotions or you wont even be worth the notice. If your fat then despair, if your hot and sexy then rejoice. I may be exaggerating it a bit but the way I see it, that's how reality goes. tsk. tsk. It's like we have to keep up with that standard to earn confidence and fame. But here's what I think, we need confidence to blow that stupid standard off and define beauty in our own way. No bias. No discriminations. No making people feel bad, to put it simply.
The article is right. We are unique for a reason. We look like the way we are because Go wants us to learn something. To experience something more valuable than cosmetic surgery, than whitening soaps( I plead guilty),or slimming products. He created us differently because He didnt want another Barbie look alike, rather He wanted you. Us. Just the way we are; naturally beautiful. We only have to look in a mirror and and realize that we are indeed beautiful. A creation of perfection. Our infallible God's master piece. All we need is confidence and faith. Feel good in the inside and let it radiate from your soul and touch every people you meet and be as attractive as anyone could be. We could dress up and look our best. But we should never do extraordinary things to look what we think is best even when unnecessary. Because then that wouldnt be best, it would be artificial. And that would suck away the true essence of beauty.
Hmm..reading Kerygma really makes sense, however outdated the magazine i found sitting by our telephone stand.Hahaha
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
a friend i thought i have..
I had always thought I've got a great set of friends. That all of them were as real and caring as I was to them. That in some ways, or at least in little ways, they treasure me as I have treasured them. But I was wrong. It wasnt ALL of them...
I had once believed that words such as ' i'll always be here for you', ' I'll forever be your friend', and all that jazz were always so true and effective. But once again, my belief proved me wrong. Those are just plain words. A meaningless cliche with not a single authenticity them. Those are all just some flowery words meant for deception and false hopes. I may sound cynical but, do believe me. I AM telling the truth.
I once had six great friends. But later I found out that I only have five great friends. Take out one person, coz that one was a lie after all. tsk tsk. And I thought she was true to all the words she's said to me. Its quite frustrating, dont you think? Once upon a time she was too good to be true, telling you how she was happy to have you as her friend then goes a start of a single clash of perceptions and misunderstandings and poof! the friendship's gone. Just that. In an instant she started moving on with her life without giving out a single effort to patch things up despite the fact that I had done my move to sort things out. I was angry. So was she. But I didnt let that anger ruin the special bond we had. I cooled myself for some time and decided to settle whatever issue we had. I treasure our friendship, after all. And Im not one to drop a friend all in an instant for just some petty things that I know I could handle. I once did that. And I promised never to make that same mistake again. But what about her? Honestly, I dont know. I dont know if she really did mean all those fancy things she said to me when we were still good friends or she simply said those words just for the sake of simply blurting it out. No good intentions behind it whatsoever. I dont even know if she' still the same girl I've met not so long ago. Suddenly she's all become a stranger to me. Like a person coming out of his mask, it was hard to recognize her nor even determine which one was real. The old or the new.
Admittingly, it hurts. I was really hurt to realize that a friend I THOUGHT I have would suddenly leave me just like that amidst the pain I went through and despite the effort I made to save the friendship I AGAIN THOUGHT I have.
Perhaps she didnt care at all. And maybe, just maybe, she'll never will. But what the heck. I did the best that i could. If she couldnt meet me halfway, then I'll just have to stop and just let things fall. I've had enough. I"ve got ade, jelyn, joy, des, and kid anyway. Knowing that I still have them to treasure, plus my sister and my families, is enough to put a big smile on my face and pride to the whole world that I have them in my life. A kind of people who would never leave me and would forever remain cruel yet honest and genuine with me. :)
With regards to the one who left, here's my simple message to you: bahala na ang Diyos saiyo. Period.
I had once believed that words such as ' i'll always be here for you', ' I'll forever be your friend', and all that jazz were always so true and effective. But once again, my belief proved me wrong. Those are just plain words. A meaningless cliche with not a single authenticity them. Those are all just some flowery words meant for deception and false hopes. I may sound cynical but, do believe me. I AM telling the truth.
I once had six great friends. But later I found out that I only have five great friends. Take out one person, coz that one was a lie after all. tsk tsk. And I thought she was true to all the words she's said to me. Its quite frustrating, dont you think? Once upon a time she was too good to be true, telling you how she was happy to have you as her friend then goes a start of a single clash of perceptions and misunderstandings and poof! the friendship's gone. Just that. In an instant she started moving on with her life without giving out a single effort to patch things up despite the fact that I had done my move to sort things out. I was angry. So was she. But I didnt let that anger ruin the special bond we had. I cooled myself for some time and decided to settle whatever issue we had. I treasure our friendship, after all. And Im not one to drop a friend all in an instant for just some petty things that I know I could handle. I once did that. And I promised never to make that same mistake again. But what about her? Honestly, I dont know. I dont know if she really did mean all those fancy things she said to me when we were still good friends or she simply said those words just for the sake of simply blurting it out. No good intentions behind it whatsoever. I dont even know if she' still the same girl I've met not so long ago. Suddenly she's all become a stranger to me. Like a person coming out of his mask, it was hard to recognize her nor even determine which one was real. The old or the new.
Admittingly, it hurts. I was really hurt to realize that a friend I THOUGHT I have would suddenly leave me just like that amidst the pain I went through and despite the effort I made to save the friendship I AGAIN THOUGHT I have.
Perhaps she didnt care at all. And maybe, just maybe, she'll never will. But what the heck. I did the best that i could. If she couldnt meet me halfway, then I'll just have to stop and just let things fall. I've had enough. I"ve got ade, jelyn, joy, des, and kid anyway. Knowing that I still have them to treasure, plus my sister and my families, is enough to put a big smile on my face and pride to the whole world that I have them in my life. A kind of people who would never leave me and would forever remain cruel yet honest and genuine with me. :)
With regards to the one who left, here's my simple message to you: bahala na ang Diyos saiyo. Period.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
An Effervescence Story: CHAPTER 2- Taking Risks
They say falling in love is a risk. Its never an assurance that you'll love happily ever after. Never an assurance if the love will perpetuate or will be gone in an instant and leave you alone and broken. Which probably explained why dessie never thought of getting into a commitment.
Dessie and I have been friends since 4th year highschool. and ever since i've never heard her squeal nor sigh dreamily on any guys in our campus. More or less she was like a child; sweet, submissive, and naive. Like a child, her main focus was only on friends and family. Just that. No boys, no flings. It wasnt a bad thing though. at least that's what made her distinct from all the girls Iwho know nothing but to flirt and beautify themselves for men. In fact, it never entered her mind that any man would dare court her. Not that she was ugly. In trith, she was a pretty girl. Medium height and at the blooming stage. Having a boyfriend just never crossed her mind.
Then summer came and her world suddenly turned upside down...
Cristoff was a certified hunk. Tall, pearly white skin, and chinky eyes that twinkle with humor and vibrance. But a certified heart breaker,too.
every summer he and his parents would always fly over to Bicol for a month long vacation with his grandfather who happened to own a computer shop just beside Dessie's parents' canteen.
More often than not, he would always stay at his grandpa's shop not much to help their staff and supervise but to have a reason to drop by at Dessie's cantten and see her.
" Hello guys. Im back." He went by the counter and looked around. " Where's Dessie?"
Jen, the canteen's hired waitress, grinned. " youre a bit early today, huh? She's still upstairs. Probably still dozing her head offf. But you can wait for her if you want."
He laughed as if what she said was something so ridiculous. " Oh c'mon. You know that I will. I've missed her you know." Then he winked at her. " Did she miss me?"
" Hate to burst your bibble, but I doubt if she did. You know her."
" But who knows, the whole time I wasnt here there mightve been a change of heart. and soon I ll be her boyfriend."
" So youre really serious about her,arent you?"
" What kind of question is that? Of course I am. I wouldnt be wiating out here and dropping by in this place for two years if I wasnt serious."
" well, you cant blame me. I thought you were just playing with her. Youre a playboy. everybody knows that. even your grandpa."
He chuckled. " Oh c'mon ate jen. Just because im good looking you'll instantly brand me as a womanizer. Im a good boy. Swear. I dont chase women. They chase me. But of course my heart's tied to Dessie and that's for sure." He gave a playful Mr. Suave look.
Jen snorted and threw a plastic bag at him. " Assuming much. But seriously Cristoff, if you dare try to hurt Dessie your gonna heve to answer to me and the rest of her family. You hear me?"
He grinned and made a cross accross his chest. " I wont. A boys scout promise."
Just then the door leading upstair and Dessie, fresh from the shower, came out
He grinned and his arms spread out to greet her. " Dessie!"
She froze upon seeing him, then turned to leave but he instantly caught up with her.
" Woh, wiat a minute. Arent you glad to see me? Coz I do."
Hoping not to be too offensive, Dessie forced a smile. " Uh.. dont you have something to do?"
"Now that you reminded me, actually I have."
" Really? Wel that's great. I mean, that's uh.. whatever. Anyway, if youre going now then its fine with me. I wont hold it anything against you."
He grinned. " Oh I will. And youre coming with me." He took her wrist and turned to leave.
" What?! hey wait I cant go. I still have to ask mom an dad."
She remained glued on the floor, subtly struggling to remove her wrist from his grasp.
He laughed at that and winked at her. " Dont you worry, my darling. I've already told them."
" You did?" Both Jen and Dessie asked in union.
" I got you surprised havent I? How and wwhen I did that, I wont tell you. Now lets go."
She stared at him in disbelief and reluctantly went with him to his car.
... In truth, cristoff had been courting her for two years already. When they first met two summers ago, they were good friends. But when he started to get too close and intimate with her, she started to siddle away from him. when she told me about that I was admittingly surprised. Truthfullu I have my two thumbs up for him. He's good looking, sweet, fun to be with,and nice. And though everybody thought of him as a playboy, I knew deep down that he was a one-woman man. especially if the woman was worth all his effort and love. And Dessie sure did deserve it.
but the only thing was she never intended to be his girlfriend, however persistent he was. She said that she simply didnt like him as more than friends. But of course I wasnt to be fooled. I knew she liked him. She was just afraid...
" Where are we really going Cristoff?" Dessie asked, obviously looking uncomfortable on her seat.
" Relax. I just want you to meet someone."
" Relax? Of course Im relax. What reasons should I be awkward about anyway? Right? Right?"
He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a quick glance befroe keeping his eyes back on the road. " I dont know. You tell me. We were like bestfriends before, or at least close to that, then suddenly you bacame all fidgety whenever Im around. Its either that or youre hiding away from me."
She played with her phone in her hand and sighed.
" I dont know cristoff. It maybe because you've started treating me differently."
" Differently? You mean like the sugar quoted words? The chocolate and the roses? the sweet text messages?"
" Exactly. Isnt that a bit awkward? Alright, not bit. But way awkward. I mean youre my friend and.. and..I just want us to remain that way. Just friends."
" But I was to be more than just friends."
His frankness caught her speechless. Not that he wasnt always that candid and direct with her, but somehow there was something in his voice and the way he said it that made her silent.
she looked outside and sighed again.
" I could no longer count the times you've sighed since we left." he teased. Then he veered to the left and went through the gates of Pristine Memorial Garden.
" What're we doing here? I thought you wanted me to meet someone?"
" I do."
" Oh my god, dont tell me youre gonna let me talk to the dead?"
He laughed. " You still havent changed have you?"
She smiled.
He parked the car and looked at her. " Its nice to see you smiling. Genuinely. You loke even prettier."
" Oh stop that. Youre making me feel awkward again."
He chuckled and reached for the basket of flowers at the backseat then went out. She followed.
Angelique Cris R. Lopez
May 14 1980- Sept. 18 2000
' a wonderful daughter..a sweet sister..a beautiful woman..we will miss you.'
He squatted down, laid the flowers then dusted off the epitaph.
" Hi sis. Dessie's here with me. You know, the girl I've been talking to you about. Dessie, meet my sister. Ate ange meet the love of my life, Dessie."
" Love of your life?"
He loked up at her and winked.
She squatted down beside him. " Hi ate ange. You mustnt believe whatever your brother's telling you. Im not the love of his life."
" at least not to you." He replied, and she met his eyes.
For a while they simply just did that. staring at each other. the intensity of the way he looked at her have seemed to keep her immobile.
slowly he raised his hand to touch her cheek but she instantly moved her head and stood up.
" You..uh..didnt tell me youo have a sister." She siad,trying to sound casual though her heart was fluttering in a different kind of way and she didnt know why.
He stared at the epitaph for a long time then sighed and stood up. " Well,you never asked me."
She looked at him, then down at the epitaph. He was right. She never asked anything personal about him. They've been closed friends for a little while until she learned he as planning to court her. The time wasnt even enough to know a lot about his pasts and and his inner sentiments. It was regret,though. For they couldve been good friends.
" So how did she die?"
" Car accident." He replied quietly. " she was on her way home when the car skidded and collided on a tree. she was trying to avoid the stray dog."
" Oh I see."
" But she didnt die instantly, if that's what youre thinking. The people who saw the accident acted fast and brought her to the hospital. I was at school when I got the news and I remembered being so hysterical." he chuckled, making it sound so light but she knew his thoughts were far from the present. " The accident broke her two ribs and brought a large gash on her forehead. But when I came to the hospital, her head was bandaged and she was falling in and out of consciousness. For almost two weeks I didnt go to school and just remained at her side. She was coming around, and I thought she's gonna be okay. But the next morning, the doctor pronounced her dead. Internal brain hemmorhage. That's what the doctor said."
Dessie felt the urge to touch cristoff but she held her hand back. " Im so sory.." She softly said.
He looked at her and faintly smiled. " Dont be. I know she's happy up there. I'd be selfish to pester God to bring her back to life when she's already having the time of her life. Ate abge would give me agood wacking, if I'd do that." He leaned closer and whispered, " She was an amazon, you know."
She giggled. " You know what Cristoff? She may not be around anymore, at least physically, but i know shes so glad to know that you've become a good man."
" you think so? Do you think she'd be even more happy if I finally have you as my girl?"
She groaned and turned to leave." here we go again."
" Woh wiat up." he took her hand and faced her to him. " Why is it that you always push me away? For two years I've done nothing but to try to make you like me and reach out to you but its either you turn away or block me away." He feigned a hurtful expression. " IT hurts you know."
" Oh dont play with me. You've got a lot of gorgeous women tailing after you. You dont need me."
" Really? where?" HE turned and pretended to search for them.
" I said dont play with me."
" Alright. You want me to be serious? Okay then Listen, its not them that I need. Its you. cant you see that?"
" Then later what? Ten years from now will you still say the same words to me? Or will I just be like the other women you've had? just a part of your collection."
The warm hand that was holdin her hand suddenly let go.
" Is that what you think of me,Dessie? All this time, to you Im a must avoid woman collector?"
She sighed. " I dont want to be offensive but with all the feedbacks i get from others and from the way you mingle with the other girls, who knows were a part of your life, you cant blame me if I'll get that kind of impression."
" But you could've at least tried to get to know the real me and see for yourself."
" Cristoff.."
" But then of course, you wouldnt meke such an effort,right Dessie? Because youd instantly push away any guy who dares try to get close to you. You'd instantly judge them and turn your back all because you dont want your precious heart to be broken and wounded." There was already a tinge of sarcasm in his voice.
" Pleas, dont make this harder for me."
" Im not making this harder. Its you who's making it harder. You've been protecting yourself from any possible heartbreaks too much that youre forgetting other people's emotion. all im asking is for you to give it a shot. Take the time to know me and see the sincerity in my words and in my actions. Is that such a hard thing to do?"
She remained silent. "..I dont know.."
" You dont know?" He sighed and looked away. The morning sun was shining brightly, the summer heat already burning their skin. He raked his fingers through his hair as the breeze vainly cooled their skin. Then he turned and started to his car. " I'd better take you home."
They were silent as they drove back home. And when he parked his car in front of their canteen he said to her, " I'll be leaving for manila next week."
She looked at her but he wasnt looking at her. Just straight at the road ahead.
" I just thought that you should know." He continued. " So you can have a reason to celebrate. Finally you can have the peace yoyre asking for. I wont bother you again."
she wanted to say something. To tell him that she was sorry, that maybe, just maybe, she didnt want him to leave. Call it weird but somehow she found herself hurting when he told her that he'd be leaving next week already and that he wont bother her again.
And yet no words came out of her mouth.
She stepped out and watched him leave.
Days have passed and Cristoff had really stood to his words. He no longer came to their canteen, no longer texted her,. There was no one to call her, 'my love, to call her up in the middle of the night only to crack jokes and make her laugh even if Dessie was groggily sitting by their telephone stand. She missed him. She really did. She didnt know if it was love she was feeling for him but there was one thing she was sure about: she needed him.
And so, when she finally came to her senses and realized what she was missing, she instantly came to the airport the day he was to leave..
She saw him standing there by the waiting lounge. God, she never thought he'd look so good. He looked at her, she stared back at him. she didnt say anything. she was scared. She didnt know what to do nor what to say to him after all she'd made him feel. In truth,it wasnt her pride that kept her silent and frozen from where she stood when she rather come up to him and apologize and tell him she needs him. But it was her fear. Her fear of rejection, her fear of being left alone after the magical's feeling is over. Fear that she might end up like some women she knew; alone and broken..
It was hard. By god, it was really hard for her. But she had to take the shot. It was all or nothing. Like he said to her, she'll never know once she try.
She took a deep breath and went to him. He was staring at her. Waiting..
..indeed, love's a risk. It's an unknown world of emotions, and passions. But we still take it. Dessie took the it.
I will now end her story here. It left you hanging, I know. But like in love, we all make our own ending. How things turned out between them, its all up to you to think. But there was one thing Dessie assured me after that incident. It was to trust and worry less. ;)
Dessie and I have been friends since 4th year highschool. and ever since i've never heard her squeal nor sigh dreamily on any guys in our campus. More or less she was like a child; sweet, submissive, and naive. Like a child, her main focus was only on friends and family. Just that. No boys, no flings. It wasnt a bad thing though. at least that's what made her distinct from all the girls Iwho know nothing but to flirt and beautify themselves for men. In fact, it never entered her mind that any man would dare court her. Not that she was ugly. In trith, she was a pretty girl. Medium height and at the blooming stage. Having a boyfriend just never crossed her mind.
Then summer came and her world suddenly turned upside down...
Cristoff was a certified hunk. Tall, pearly white skin, and chinky eyes that twinkle with humor and vibrance. But a certified heart breaker,too.
every summer he and his parents would always fly over to Bicol for a month long vacation with his grandfather who happened to own a computer shop just beside Dessie's parents' canteen.
More often than not, he would always stay at his grandpa's shop not much to help their staff and supervise but to have a reason to drop by at Dessie's cantten and see her.
" Hello guys. Im back." He went by the counter and looked around. " Where's Dessie?"
Jen, the canteen's hired waitress, grinned. " youre a bit early today, huh? She's still upstairs. Probably still dozing her head offf. But you can wait for her if you want."
He laughed as if what she said was something so ridiculous. " Oh c'mon. You know that I will. I've missed her you know." Then he winked at her. " Did she miss me?"
" Hate to burst your bibble, but I doubt if she did. You know her."
" But who knows, the whole time I wasnt here there mightve been a change of heart. and soon I ll be her boyfriend."
" So youre really serious about her,arent you?"
" What kind of question is that? Of course I am. I wouldnt be wiating out here and dropping by in this place for two years if I wasnt serious."
" well, you cant blame me. I thought you were just playing with her. Youre a playboy. everybody knows that. even your grandpa."
He chuckled. " Oh c'mon ate jen. Just because im good looking you'll instantly brand me as a womanizer. Im a good boy. Swear. I dont chase women. They chase me. But of course my heart's tied to Dessie and that's for sure." He gave a playful Mr. Suave look.
Jen snorted and threw a plastic bag at him. " Assuming much. But seriously Cristoff, if you dare try to hurt Dessie your gonna heve to answer to me and the rest of her family. You hear me?"
He grinned and made a cross accross his chest. " I wont. A boys scout promise."
Just then the door leading upstair and Dessie, fresh from the shower, came out
He grinned and his arms spread out to greet her. " Dessie!"
She froze upon seeing him, then turned to leave but he instantly caught up with her.
" Woh, wiat a minute. Arent you glad to see me? Coz I do."
Hoping not to be too offensive, Dessie forced a smile. " Uh.. dont you have something to do?"
"Now that you reminded me, actually I have."
" Really? Wel that's great. I mean, that's uh.. whatever. Anyway, if youre going now then its fine with me. I wont hold it anything against you."
He grinned. " Oh I will. And youre coming with me." He took her wrist and turned to leave.
" What?! hey wait I cant go. I still have to ask mom an dad."
She remained glued on the floor, subtly struggling to remove her wrist from his grasp.
He laughed at that and winked at her. " Dont you worry, my darling. I've already told them."
" You did?" Both Jen and Dessie asked in union.
" I got you surprised havent I? How and wwhen I did that, I wont tell you. Now lets go."
She stared at him in disbelief and reluctantly went with him to his car.
... In truth, cristoff had been courting her for two years already. When they first met two summers ago, they were good friends. But when he started to get too close and intimate with her, she started to siddle away from him. when she told me about that I was admittingly surprised. Truthfullu I have my two thumbs up for him. He's good looking, sweet, fun to be with,and nice. And though everybody thought of him as a playboy, I knew deep down that he was a one-woman man. especially if the woman was worth all his effort and love. And Dessie sure did deserve it.
but the only thing was she never intended to be his girlfriend, however persistent he was. She said that she simply didnt like him as more than friends. But of course I wasnt to be fooled. I knew she liked him. She was just afraid...
" Where are we really going Cristoff?" Dessie asked, obviously looking uncomfortable on her seat.
" Relax. I just want you to meet someone."
" Relax? Of course Im relax. What reasons should I be awkward about anyway? Right? Right?"
He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a quick glance befroe keeping his eyes back on the road. " I dont know. You tell me. We were like bestfriends before, or at least close to that, then suddenly you bacame all fidgety whenever Im around. Its either that or youre hiding away from me."
She played with her phone in her hand and sighed.
" I dont know cristoff. It maybe because you've started treating me differently."
" Differently? You mean like the sugar quoted words? The chocolate and the roses? the sweet text messages?"
" Exactly. Isnt that a bit awkward? Alright, not bit. But way awkward. I mean youre my friend and.. and..I just want us to remain that way. Just friends."
" But I was to be more than just friends."
His frankness caught her speechless. Not that he wasnt always that candid and direct with her, but somehow there was something in his voice and the way he said it that made her silent.
she looked outside and sighed again.
" I could no longer count the times you've sighed since we left." he teased. Then he veered to the left and went through the gates of Pristine Memorial Garden.
" What're we doing here? I thought you wanted me to meet someone?"
" I do."
" Oh my god, dont tell me youre gonna let me talk to the dead?"
He laughed. " You still havent changed have you?"
She smiled.
He parked the car and looked at her. " Its nice to see you smiling. Genuinely. You loke even prettier."
" Oh stop that. Youre making me feel awkward again."
He chuckled and reached for the basket of flowers at the backseat then went out. She followed.
Angelique Cris R. Lopez
May 14 1980- Sept. 18 2000
' a wonderful daughter..a sweet sister..a beautiful woman..we will miss you.'
He squatted down, laid the flowers then dusted off the epitaph.
" Hi sis. Dessie's here with me. You know, the girl I've been talking to you about. Dessie, meet my sister. Ate ange meet the love of my life, Dessie."
" Love of your life?"
He loked up at her and winked.
She squatted down beside him. " Hi ate ange. You mustnt believe whatever your brother's telling you. Im not the love of his life."
" at least not to you." He replied, and she met his eyes.
For a while they simply just did that. staring at each other. the intensity of the way he looked at her have seemed to keep her immobile.
slowly he raised his hand to touch her cheek but she instantly moved her head and stood up.
" You..uh..didnt tell me youo have a sister." She siad,trying to sound casual though her heart was fluttering in a different kind of way and she didnt know why.
He stared at the epitaph for a long time then sighed and stood up. " Well,you never asked me."
She looked at him, then down at the epitaph. He was right. She never asked anything personal about him. They've been closed friends for a little while until she learned he as planning to court her. The time wasnt even enough to know a lot about his pasts and and his inner sentiments. It was regret,though. For they couldve been good friends.
" So how did she die?"
" Car accident." He replied quietly. " she was on her way home when the car skidded and collided on a tree. she was trying to avoid the stray dog."
" Oh I see."
" But she didnt die instantly, if that's what youre thinking. The people who saw the accident acted fast and brought her to the hospital. I was at school when I got the news and I remembered being so hysterical." he chuckled, making it sound so light but she knew his thoughts were far from the present. " The accident broke her two ribs and brought a large gash on her forehead. But when I came to the hospital, her head was bandaged and she was falling in and out of consciousness. For almost two weeks I didnt go to school and just remained at her side. She was coming around, and I thought she's gonna be okay. But the next morning, the doctor pronounced her dead. Internal brain hemmorhage. That's what the doctor said."
Dessie felt the urge to touch cristoff but she held her hand back. " Im so sory.." She softly said.
He looked at her and faintly smiled. " Dont be. I know she's happy up there. I'd be selfish to pester God to bring her back to life when she's already having the time of her life. Ate abge would give me agood wacking, if I'd do that." He leaned closer and whispered, " She was an amazon, you know."
She giggled. " You know what Cristoff? She may not be around anymore, at least physically, but i know shes so glad to know that you've become a good man."
" you think so? Do you think she'd be even more happy if I finally have you as my girl?"
She groaned and turned to leave." here we go again."
" Woh wiat up." he took her hand and faced her to him. " Why is it that you always push me away? For two years I've done nothing but to try to make you like me and reach out to you but its either you turn away or block me away." He feigned a hurtful expression. " IT hurts you know."
" Oh dont play with me. You've got a lot of gorgeous women tailing after you. You dont need me."
" Really? where?" HE turned and pretended to search for them.
" I said dont play with me."
" Alright. You want me to be serious? Okay then Listen, its not them that I need. Its you. cant you see that?"
" Then later what? Ten years from now will you still say the same words to me? Or will I just be like the other women you've had? just a part of your collection."
The warm hand that was holdin her hand suddenly let go.
" Is that what you think of me,Dessie? All this time, to you Im a must avoid woman collector?"
She sighed. " I dont want to be offensive but with all the feedbacks i get from others and from the way you mingle with the other girls, who knows were a part of your life, you cant blame me if I'll get that kind of impression."
" But you could've at least tried to get to know the real me and see for yourself."
" Cristoff.."
" But then of course, you wouldnt meke such an effort,right Dessie? Because youd instantly push away any guy who dares try to get close to you. You'd instantly judge them and turn your back all because you dont want your precious heart to be broken and wounded." There was already a tinge of sarcasm in his voice.
" Pleas, dont make this harder for me."
" Im not making this harder. Its you who's making it harder. You've been protecting yourself from any possible heartbreaks too much that youre forgetting other people's emotion. all im asking is for you to give it a shot. Take the time to know me and see the sincerity in my words and in my actions. Is that such a hard thing to do?"
She remained silent. "..I dont know.."
" You dont know?" He sighed and looked away. The morning sun was shining brightly, the summer heat already burning their skin. He raked his fingers through his hair as the breeze vainly cooled their skin. Then he turned and started to his car. " I'd better take you home."
They were silent as they drove back home. And when he parked his car in front of their canteen he said to her, " I'll be leaving for manila next week."
She looked at her but he wasnt looking at her. Just straight at the road ahead.
" I just thought that you should know." He continued. " So you can have a reason to celebrate. Finally you can have the peace yoyre asking for. I wont bother you again."
she wanted to say something. To tell him that she was sorry, that maybe, just maybe, she didnt want him to leave. Call it weird but somehow she found herself hurting when he told her that he'd be leaving next week already and that he wont bother her again.
And yet no words came out of her mouth.
She stepped out and watched him leave.
Days have passed and Cristoff had really stood to his words. He no longer came to their canteen, no longer texted her,. There was no one to call her, 'my love, to call her up in the middle of the night only to crack jokes and make her laugh even if Dessie was groggily sitting by their telephone stand. She missed him. She really did. She didnt know if it was love she was feeling for him but there was one thing she was sure about: she needed him.
And so, when she finally came to her senses and realized what she was missing, she instantly came to the airport the day he was to leave..
She saw him standing there by the waiting lounge. God, she never thought he'd look so good. He looked at her, she stared back at him. she didnt say anything. she was scared. She didnt know what to do nor what to say to him after all she'd made him feel. In truth,it wasnt her pride that kept her silent and frozen from where she stood when she rather come up to him and apologize and tell him she needs him. But it was her fear. Her fear of rejection, her fear of being left alone after the magical's feeling is over. Fear that she might end up like some women she knew; alone and broken..
It was hard. By god, it was really hard for her. But she had to take the shot. It was all or nothing. Like he said to her, she'll never know once she try.
She took a deep breath and went to him. He was staring at her. Waiting..
..indeed, love's a risk. It's an unknown world of emotions, and passions. But we still take it. Dessie took the it.
I will now end her story here. It left you hanging, I know. But like in love, we all make our own ending. How things turned out between them, its all up to you to think. But there was one thing Dessie assured me after that incident. It was to trust and worry less. ;)
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
An Effervescence Story: CHAPTER 1-Destiny Laughs
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My friend, Joyie, was the perkiest one in the Effervescence group. She always have something to talk about even in the midst of trouble. It was no wonder why people easily get along with her. She was an optimist and always seeing the good in everybody even if they were the least lovable.
--Alright, that was an exaggeration.
But she was sociable and cheerful nonetheless. She had this funny childlike attitude which shows the real her. I stil couldnt quite find the right word for it, but whimsical somehow cuts it. Undoubtedly that was what attracted people to her.
Which is why, it's still an endless wonder to me why she and Jillson never existed in peace and harmony with each other. Even before when they were in highschool, its either they ignore each other or-- well, still ignore each other. Unfortunately that was what all they ever did.
I asked Joyie once before and she told me that the cold war started when her cousin, who happened to be Jillson's friend, blurted out to him while they were drinking over their house that she could've fallen in love him if he wasnt arrogant and snobbish Even Jillson would got him thinking if that was an insult or a compliment.
I laughed at that and pestered Joyie about it every single chance I get. Jillson was a hottie anyway. Tall, dark, handsome.. I wouldnt be surprised if Joyie will actually fall for him.
Anyway, the reason why I think they never got along well was because of their contradicting personality. Joyie was talkative, sociable, and charming. While Jillson was cool and aloof. In fact,just by looking at him I could easily assume that he finds women like her annoying.
Why would say that? Simple. It was Joyie who told me.
She said that he never laughed at her jokes. Not once. Not ever. Not that she wanted him to, let alone to notice her. It only happened that she was assigned to report and decided to crack some jokes for an icebreaker. Everybody bursted out laughing. Except him.
She wasnt annoyed. But she was insulted.
When we graduated highschool, I thought the cold war between them would ber over and forgotten. They'd be having their own ways. They would never see each other again.
Or so I thought
To my amazement Joyie and Jillson applied in the same school and in the same department. She was taking Accountancy while he was taking Management and Accountancy.
It was like destiny didnt want them apart. When all they wanted was to have their own lives and away from each other, destiny kept bringing them closer together. I didnt know if it was a good thing though Coz when destiny finally succeede in its plan, the cold war turned to heated war. Man, were they in constant bickering. How and when it all started, come closer and give all your attention..
Our aquaintance party was held at Divine word's highschol gym. Tables and chairs were all placed at the sides, leaving a wide space at the center for the dance floor. Joyie and I were sitted near the booth where free foods were given out to those first 200 students who came early. Of course we were one of those.
In fact, we attended the party for that and not so much for the revelries going on. We werent much of a party goer so while some students rock their heads off and shake their booties till it bounce off, Joyie, me and some of our new found friends gathered around the table. We were practically shouting at each other just to be heard through the loud music. If the place would've been eerie silent, our laughs couldve reached all the way to Divine college.
I was teasing Joyie that time on how Jillson had become more handsome and how destiny gave her another chance to realize that when Jillson, in the flesh, stood behind her chair and looked down at her.
" More handsome?! Jillson? Are you crazy?" She laughed and I felt myself wince as Jillson's eyebrows knitted in a frown.
" Alright, alright. Maybe youre right," she continued. " but i doubt theres has been some good changes with his attitude. In fact, he's still the arrogant guy iv known. Imagine we are classmates in fil 1, nat.sci. 1 but believe me he never once looked at me. He acts like he doesnt know me. But I dont blame him anyway. In fairness to him I treat him the same way so--" she paused, finally noticing the fidgety look on my face. " What's wrong?"
" Someone..uh.. wants to talk to you." I replied.
" huh?"
I stared past at her and she followed my gaze.
Jillson was still standing there and he was intensely staring down at her. If looks could burn, Joyie wouldve been long toasted. " arrogant, huh?" There was total sarcasm in his voice.
Joyie's head swished around at me, eyes wide in surprise and embarrassment.
she shifted uncomfortably on her seat. " well..actually.. I ..uh.."
"Just drop it Joyie Now dance with me." He roughly commanded.
Al of us were taken aback.
I lifted an eyebrow and narrowed my eyes on him. Jillson asking Joyie to dance? Preposterous! They never even look at each other.
I swore I was smelling something fishy. And when I shifted my eyes from him to the other side of the gym and saw his friends giggling at them, I knew then that he was up to something.
" Dance with you?" she chuckled sarcastically. " Youre kidding me."
" Oh c'mon. I know you want it." Eman, our friend, teased and we all laughed.
She glared at us.
" But seriously Jillson," I said. "Joyie's not in the mood to play around with you."
" Playing? Im not playing. Alright. Maybe I am technically playing. Listen, my friends and I are playing spin the bottle. I was dared to dance with your friend over here, much to my luck." He bitterly said. " I couldve easily said no but I owe jimmy, that freaking bastard over there a 100 bucks. I'll have to pay him double if I wont do the dare. and since Im totaly broke now,what choice do I have left?"
" He's got a point Joyie." I said. " Why6 dont yoyo give him this favor? Just this once in the least."
She looked at me in disbelief as if I've sold her out.
" Now what? Are you gonna dance with me or what?"
Reluctantly, Joyie stood up and grudgingly went to the dancefloor with him.
We all started to cheer in amusement. even Jillson's friends were taking pictures of them.
Then the music changed to an even more upbeat song and the students in the dancefloor instantly went wild and started jumping around like kangaroos in australia.
One man who looked like he's been recently released from the mental institution,accidentally tripped over and collided with her back. about to lose her balance, Jillson's arms instinctively went around her for support.
When they have finally realized how slightly intimate their position was, they both broke away from each other so fast as though they've been electrified.
For a while they just stood there, both looking pathetically awkward. Until Joyie said something and finally they parted ways.
We were all suppressing a grin when she returned.
" Dont ever say a word." she warned.
We didnt say anything. We only bursted out laughing.
.. Alright that wasnt exactly the event that had triggered their heated arguement. In fact, the next day after that and the following days went pretty normal for both of them. The 'you-dont-know-me-I-dont-know-you' treatment wouldve continued on until I saw the picture in every computers of our school's internet lab. It was Joyie and Jillson during the aquaintance party, on the dancefloor and into each other's arms. It was when Jillson tried to keep her from falling. But the picture suggested a different story. Any students who dont know them, would assume their couples trying to brag their affection for each other. and that was when the bickerings started..
" Dammit Joyie! What is it that you want?! are you that desperately in love with me to ask your friend to post that picture in the internet lab?! Youre unbelievable!"
Joyie jumped up from her chair and faced him although she was straining her neck to meet his eyes. But she didnt mind at all. she was angry.
" No, youre unbelievable! Who do you think you are? a freaking campus hottie? Dream on Jillson! You know what? I swore I didnt regret calling you arrogant coz you have been and will always be an arrogant, conceited ox!"
" conceited? Hey, you listen--"
" No you listen. Dont you ever dare involve my friends in this. Theyre nice people and they would never do such a thing. Maybe your friends did it. They were the ones who dared you to dance with me anyway. And read my lips Jillson, I WILL NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. Even if you were the last man on earth."
" That's good coz youre actually doing me a great favor. I'll never go out with a goody goody dwarf like you."
Joyie retorted but I decided not to listen to them any further. I was actually standing just right outside the classroom they were in and silently listening to them. It wasnt really my intention to eavesdrop but since my boredom got me walking around the campus and to room 308, I stayed for a while and do a little listening. It was a wrong thing, I know, though. But I sure didnt regret it.
Amused and giggling, I went down the stairs.
...I didnt tell Joyie what I heard that night, but my pestering with her didnt stop. In fact, it was reinforced.(har har) Since then the bickerings were incessant. It even worstened when their classmates started teasing them. In their classes, they were either assigned to report together or sit together. In other words, they instantly became the love teasm of the year, much to my amusement. But neither of them liked it.
I'l have to say that destiny was doing a fine job in pulling them closer--and stretching their patience. In fact,when they were with each other they didnt seem to know the word 'patience'...
They were preparing their powerpoint presentation for their reporting in nat sci at the student's lounge just in front of the canteen when Jillson's temper snapped and walked away.
" Fine go! That's what you always do anyway. Leaving your partner with all the works to be done while you can have the time of your life Dont you ever know the word 'teamwork'?" Joyie exclaimed.
Jillson stopped and turned to sarcastically stare ather. " I just wanna go to the bathroom, is that such a crime?"
She stuck her nose up in the air and went back to her work.
I took the chair beside her and smiled at her. " You know what yoy two need? to chill. You could get the entire school on fire"
" Oh I dont know. Im not usually like this and you know that. I just dont know why when Im with him I lose all my temper and just go boom! You get what I mean?" she sighed. " Theres just something in him that ticks me off."
"oooh.. you know the saying the more you hate the more you love?"
She groaned in exasperation.
Just then JB came up to us with a beaming face. He was Joyie's friend. He even once courted her but they soon realized that they were better off just as friends.
" Hey guys! what're you doing?"
" Making a powerpoint presentation. Wanna help?" She replied.
" Sure. But lets go eat first. My treat."
" alright! I want pancit and toron." I said.
"I'll order the same thing too. Oh wait, then again I'll go with you. I may want to order something else." Joyie giggled and started to the canteen with him.
It wasnt long after they left that Jillson came back. He frowned when he only found me by the table. "Where's Joyie?" He asked.
" There in the canteen."
He turned and frowned even more when he saw her and JB together. Before I knew it, he was storming into the canteen.
" Joyie!" He took her wrist and forcefully pulled her away from JB. " Were not here just so you copuld flirt around with some guys. Were doing our report and that should only be it. Now lets go."
" Woh wait up there man."JB said.
Jillson gave him an ominous stare. " Shut up."
When both of them reached their table, I ran towards BJ to apologize and explain everything to him while they continued to argue.
" Are they always like that?" BJ asked me.
I nodded.
" Oh well, still wanna go grab some snacks?" He asked.
" Sure an we'll eat Joyie's part." We both laughed and went back inside.
..It was only after we ate Joyie's goto that I thought about what JB told me and realized that Jillson might be falling in love with her. He said he saw it in the way Jillson stared at her when he pulled her away from him. He looked like a raging jelous boyfriend. I was totally laughing my heart out when when he said that. I knew this would happen. I saw it coming. I was so sure that destiny would find a way to have two enemies fall for each other. And little by little, Jillson was starting to bite into that notion, albeit unconsciously. Want proofs?
Here's one. The day before christmas vacation he gave hera mini stuffed toy. A stuffed dwarf, to be exact. The card pinned to it said, ' a little something to remind you of yourself.' Of course she took it as an insult. But if you ask me, I'd take it as a big step to insinuate the message: I think Im falling for you.
Joyie, in the same way, was falling for him too even if she kept denying that fact. I could see it. Only that both of them were tenaciously refusing the thought. They were unyielding the intangible force that was attracting them both to each other. They were enemies and that ought to stay that way.
But destiny wasnt to be put off...
It was exactly Feb. 14 but JB was crying hopelessly in an empty classroom down the 3rd floor's hallway. Joyie was here with him. She watched her friend pour out his pains about his girlfriend leaving him. He looked too broken hearted that Joyie couldnt bring herself to leave him. But she knew she had to. She was supposed to meet up with Jillson at Jollikod. Although she didnt have any idea what he was exactly up to but it sure did made her heart flutter the moment he texted her. And that annoyed her.
" Listen JB. There's no point on crying over her. She's a total fool in leaving you. And she doesnt even deserve a single tear from you. Cheer up. Please.."
He sniffed and let out a puff. " YOure right. . Youre really right. There are a lot of women in the world. Im sure I can find the one."
" That's the spirit!"
With that, they both stood up and gave each other a comforting hug.
It was then at that exact moment that Jillson and I came. He asked me to find them when he found me at the canteen and I agreed. It was a decision that I regretted that time. Coz when he saw them, he went ballistick.
" What the fuck!" Jillson impulsively stormed inside and yanked JB from her and gave him a hard punch on his left cheek that sent JB stumbling down.
At that instant, knowing JB would fight back, I ran towards him and got a hold of him. Joyie on the other hand took Jillson's sleeve and pulled it so he could face.
" What the heck is wrong with you?! You dont have any right to do that to JB! What the heck has gotten into you? How dare you."
' How dare me? You were the one flirting with a guy while i was out there waiting for you! What do you expect me to do? Rejoice to find you with this guy doing god knows what!"
" What do you care? Youre not my boyfriend!"
" But i want to be!"
That got us all silent and dumbfounded.
I could feel the tension rising and the turmoiled emotions stirring between them that has long been suppressed.
I cleared my throat. " I.. we.. we better go. Right JB?" I nudged at his shoulder.
" Me? Oh yeah. She's right. Were going."
At that tiptoed out of the room.
But of course we didnt exactly leave. The situation between them was already at its highest peak both of us wouldnt want to miss that for the world. It was something that we wanted to anticipate the ending.
..It never ceases to amaze me as I recall the events that brought Joyie and Jillson ignoring each other, bickering and yes,fianlly, falling in love.They had vowed to despise each other till the sky falls down. But in the end it was destiny that triumphed. They were defiant but eventually it was destiny that had broken down their tenacity. They were enemies.. but now destiny laughs as the two finds each other intertwined by love.
--Alright, that was an exaggeration.
But she was sociable and cheerful nonetheless. She had this funny childlike attitude which shows the real her. I stil couldnt quite find the right word for it, but whimsical somehow cuts it. Undoubtedly that was what attracted people to her.
Which is why, it's still an endless wonder to me why she and Jillson never existed in peace and harmony with each other. Even before when they were in highschool, its either they ignore each other or-- well, still ignore each other. Unfortunately that was what all they ever did.
I asked Joyie once before and she told me that the cold war started when her cousin, who happened to be Jillson's friend, blurted out to him while they were drinking over their house that she could've fallen in love him if he wasnt arrogant and snobbish Even Jillson would got him thinking if that was an insult or a compliment.
I laughed at that and pestered Joyie about it every single chance I get. Jillson was a hottie anyway. Tall, dark, handsome.. I wouldnt be surprised if Joyie will actually fall for him.
Anyway, the reason why I think they never got along well was because of their contradicting personality. Joyie was talkative, sociable, and charming. While Jillson was cool and aloof. In fact,just by looking at him I could easily assume that he finds women like her annoying.
Why would say that? Simple. It was Joyie who told me.
She said that he never laughed at her jokes. Not once. Not ever. Not that she wanted him to, let alone to notice her. It only happened that she was assigned to report and decided to crack some jokes for an icebreaker. Everybody bursted out laughing. Except him.
She wasnt annoyed. But she was insulted.
When we graduated highschool, I thought the cold war between them would ber over and forgotten. They'd be having their own ways. They would never see each other again.
Or so I thought
To my amazement Joyie and Jillson applied in the same school and in the same department. She was taking Accountancy while he was taking Management and Accountancy.
It was like destiny didnt want them apart. When all they wanted was to have their own lives and away from each other, destiny kept bringing them closer together. I didnt know if it was a good thing though Coz when destiny finally succeede in its plan, the cold war turned to heated war. Man, were they in constant bickering. How and when it all started, come closer and give all your attention..
Our aquaintance party was held at Divine word's highschol gym. Tables and chairs were all placed at the sides, leaving a wide space at the center for the dance floor. Joyie and I were sitted near the booth where free foods were given out to those first 200 students who came early. Of course we were one of those.
In fact, we attended the party for that and not so much for the revelries going on. We werent much of a party goer so while some students rock their heads off and shake their booties till it bounce off, Joyie, me and some of our new found friends gathered around the table. We were practically shouting at each other just to be heard through the loud music. If the place would've been eerie silent, our laughs couldve reached all the way to Divine college.
I was teasing Joyie that time on how Jillson had become more handsome and how destiny gave her another chance to realize that when Jillson, in the flesh, stood behind her chair and looked down at her.
" More handsome?! Jillson? Are you crazy?" She laughed and I felt myself wince as Jillson's eyebrows knitted in a frown.
" Alright, alright. Maybe youre right," she continued. " but i doubt theres has been some good changes with his attitude. In fact, he's still the arrogant guy iv known. Imagine we are classmates in fil 1, nat.sci. 1 but believe me he never once looked at me. He acts like he doesnt know me. But I dont blame him anyway. In fairness to him I treat him the same way so--" she paused, finally noticing the fidgety look on my face. " What's wrong?"
" Someone..uh.. wants to talk to you." I replied.
" huh?"
I stared past at her and she followed my gaze.
Jillson was still standing there and he was intensely staring down at her. If looks could burn, Joyie wouldve been long toasted. " arrogant, huh?" There was total sarcasm in his voice.
Joyie's head swished around at me, eyes wide in surprise and embarrassment.
she shifted uncomfortably on her seat. " well..actually.. I ..uh.."
"Just drop it Joyie Now dance with me." He roughly commanded.
Al of us were taken aback.
I lifted an eyebrow and narrowed my eyes on him. Jillson asking Joyie to dance? Preposterous! They never even look at each other.
I swore I was smelling something fishy. And when I shifted my eyes from him to the other side of the gym and saw his friends giggling at them, I knew then that he was up to something.
" Dance with you?" she chuckled sarcastically. " Youre kidding me."
" Oh c'mon. I know you want it." Eman, our friend, teased and we all laughed.
She glared at us.
" But seriously Jillson," I said. "Joyie's not in the mood to play around with you."
" Playing? Im not playing. Alright. Maybe I am technically playing. Listen, my friends and I are playing spin the bottle. I was dared to dance with your friend over here, much to my luck." He bitterly said. " I couldve easily said no but I owe jimmy, that freaking bastard over there a 100 bucks. I'll have to pay him double if I wont do the dare. and since Im totaly broke now,what choice do I have left?"
" He's got a point Joyie." I said. " Why6 dont yoyo give him this favor? Just this once in the least."
She looked at me in disbelief as if I've sold her out.
" Now what? Are you gonna dance with me or what?"
Reluctantly, Joyie stood up and grudgingly went to the dancefloor with him.
We all started to cheer in amusement. even Jillson's friends were taking pictures of them.
Then the music changed to an even more upbeat song and the students in the dancefloor instantly went wild and started jumping around like kangaroos in australia.
One man who looked like he's been recently released from the mental institution,accidentally tripped over and collided with her back. about to lose her balance, Jillson's arms instinctively went around her for support.
When they have finally realized how slightly intimate their position was, they both broke away from each other so fast as though they've been electrified.
For a while they just stood there, both looking pathetically awkward. Until Joyie said something and finally they parted ways.
We were all suppressing a grin when she returned.
" Dont ever say a word." she warned.
We didnt say anything. We only bursted out laughing.
.. Alright that wasnt exactly the event that had triggered their heated arguement. In fact, the next day after that and the following days went pretty normal for both of them. The 'you-dont-know-me-I-dont-know-you' treatment wouldve continued on until I saw the picture in every computers of our school's internet lab. It was Joyie and Jillson during the aquaintance party, on the dancefloor and into each other's arms. It was when Jillson tried to keep her from falling. But the picture suggested a different story. Any students who dont know them, would assume their couples trying to brag their affection for each other. and that was when the bickerings started..
" Dammit Joyie! What is it that you want?! are you that desperately in love with me to ask your friend to post that picture in the internet lab?! Youre unbelievable!"
Joyie jumped up from her chair and faced him although she was straining her neck to meet his eyes. But she didnt mind at all. she was angry.
" No, youre unbelievable! Who do you think you are? a freaking campus hottie? Dream on Jillson! You know what? I swore I didnt regret calling you arrogant coz you have been and will always be an arrogant, conceited ox!"
" conceited? Hey, you listen--"
" No you listen. Dont you ever dare involve my friends in this. Theyre nice people and they would never do such a thing. Maybe your friends did it. They were the ones who dared you to dance with me anyway. And read my lips Jillson, I WILL NEVER EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. Even if you were the last man on earth."
" That's good coz youre actually doing me a great favor. I'll never go out with a goody goody dwarf like you."
Joyie retorted but I decided not to listen to them any further. I was actually standing just right outside the classroom they were in and silently listening to them. It wasnt really my intention to eavesdrop but since my boredom got me walking around the campus and to room 308, I stayed for a while and do a little listening. It was a wrong thing, I know, though. But I sure didnt regret it.
Amused and giggling, I went down the stairs.
...I didnt tell Joyie what I heard that night, but my pestering with her didnt stop. In fact, it was reinforced.(har har) Since then the bickerings were incessant. It even worstened when their classmates started teasing them. In their classes, they were either assigned to report together or sit together. In other words, they instantly became the love teasm of the year, much to my amusement. But neither of them liked it.
I'l have to say that destiny was doing a fine job in pulling them closer--and stretching their patience. In fact,when they were with each other they didnt seem to know the word 'patience'...
They were preparing their powerpoint presentation for their reporting in nat sci at the student's lounge just in front of the canteen when Jillson's temper snapped and walked away.
" Fine go! That's what you always do anyway. Leaving your partner with all the works to be done while you can have the time of your life Dont you ever know the word 'teamwork'?" Joyie exclaimed.
Jillson stopped and turned to sarcastically stare ather. " I just wanna go to the bathroom, is that such a crime?"
She stuck her nose up in the air and went back to her work.
I took the chair beside her and smiled at her. " You know what yoy two need? to chill. You could get the entire school on fire"
" Oh I dont know. Im not usually like this and you know that. I just dont know why when Im with him I lose all my temper and just go boom! You get what I mean?" she sighed. " Theres just something in him that ticks me off."
"oooh.. you know the saying the more you hate the more you love?"
She groaned in exasperation.
Just then JB came up to us with a beaming face. He was Joyie's friend. He even once courted her but they soon realized that they were better off just as friends.
" Hey guys! what're you doing?"
" Making a powerpoint presentation. Wanna help?" She replied.
" Sure. But lets go eat first. My treat."
" alright! I want pancit and toron." I said.
"I'll order the same thing too. Oh wait, then again I'll go with you. I may want to order something else." Joyie giggled and started to the canteen with him.
It wasnt long after they left that Jillson came back. He frowned when he only found me by the table. "Where's Joyie?" He asked.
" There in the canteen."
He turned and frowned even more when he saw her and JB together. Before I knew it, he was storming into the canteen.
" Joyie!" He took her wrist and forcefully pulled her away from JB. " Were not here just so you copuld flirt around with some guys. Were doing our report and that should only be it. Now lets go."
" Woh wait up there man."JB said.
Jillson gave him an ominous stare. " Shut up."
When both of them reached their table, I ran towards BJ to apologize and explain everything to him while they continued to argue.
" Are they always like that?" BJ asked me.
I nodded.
" Oh well, still wanna go grab some snacks?" He asked.
" Sure an we'll eat Joyie's part." We both laughed and went back inside.
..It was only after we ate Joyie's goto that I thought about what JB told me and realized that Jillson might be falling in love with her. He said he saw it in the way Jillson stared at her when he pulled her away from him. He looked like a raging jelous boyfriend. I was totally laughing my heart out when when he said that. I knew this would happen. I saw it coming. I was so sure that destiny would find a way to have two enemies fall for each other. And little by little, Jillson was starting to bite into that notion, albeit unconsciously. Want proofs?
Here's one. The day before christmas vacation he gave hera mini stuffed toy. A stuffed dwarf, to be exact. The card pinned to it said, ' a little something to remind you of yourself.' Of course she took it as an insult. But if you ask me, I'd take it as a big step to insinuate the message: I think Im falling for you.
Joyie, in the same way, was falling for him too even if she kept denying that fact. I could see it. Only that both of them were tenaciously refusing the thought. They were unyielding the intangible force that was attracting them both to each other. They were enemies and that ought to stay that way.
But destiny wasnt to be put off...
It was exactly Feb. 14 but JB was crying hopelessly in an empty classroom down the 3rd floor's hallway. Joyie was here with him. She watched her friend pour out his pains about his girlfriend leaving him. He looked too broken hearted that Joyie couldnt bring herself to leave him. But she knew she had to. She was supposed to meet up with Jillson at Jollikod. Although she didnt have any idea what he was exactly up to but it sure did made her heart flutter the moment he texted her. And that annoyed her.
" Listen JB. There's no point on crying over her. She's a total fool in leaving you. And she doesnt even deserve a single tear from you. Cheer up. Please.."
He sniffed and let out a puff. " YOure right. . Youre really right. There are a lot of women in the world. Im sure I can find the one."
" That's the spirit!"
With that, they both stood up and gave each other a comforting hug.
It was then at that exact moment that Jillson and I came. He asked me to find them when he found me at the canteen and I agreed. It was a decision that I regretted that time. Coz when he saw them, he went ballistick.
" What the fuck!" Jillson impulsively stormed inside and yanked JB from her and gave him a hard punch on his left cheek that sent JB stumbling down.
At that instant, knowing JB would fight back, I ran towards him and got a hold of him. Joyie on the other hand took Jillson's sleeve and pulled it so he could face.
" What the heck is wrong with you?! You dont have any right to do that to JB! What the heck has gotten into you? How dare you."
' How dare me? You were the one flirting with a guy while i was out there waiting for you! What do you expect me to do? Rejoice to find you with this guy doing god knows what!"
" What do you care? Youre not my boyfriend!"
" But i want to be!"
That got us all silent and dumbfounded.
I could feel the tension rising and the turmoiled emotions stirring between them that has long been suppressed.
I cleared my throat. " I.. we.. we better go. Right JB?" I nudged at his shoulder.
" Me? Oh yeah. She's right. Were going."
At that tiptoed out of the room.
But of course we didnt exactly leave. The situation between them was already at its highest peak both of us wouldnt want to miss that for the world. It was something that we wanted to anticipate the ending.
..It never ceases to amaze me as I recall the events that brought Joyie and Jillson ignoring each other, bickering and yes,fianlly, falling in love.They had vowed to despise each other till the sky falls down. But in the end it was destiny that triumphed. They were defiant but eventually it was destiny that had broken down their tenacity. They were enemies.. but now destiny laughs as the two finds each other intertwined by love.
Monday, March 2, 2009
from a daughter to a mother..
You have been everything to me. You were my strength and my foundation. Your patience, caring nature, and selflessness filled my heart and compensated for all of dad's shortcomings. Because of you I found the endurance and patience to bear dad's indifference for you never failed to remind us not to hold any grudges and more importantly you never failed to show those values,itself.
True, you wanted everything to be easy for us that you pampered and tolerated us to the point that we were spoiled. You never demanded, rather you always leave us options and choose to plead. You are an epitome of a selfless mother. Kind, patient, enduring, understanding... God,how I deeply regretted closing myself from you while you were struggling to reach out to me. I was but an immature daughter back then. Stubborn, narrow-minded, and selfish. I didnt know any better than think about myself while you, on the other hand, continued loving me nonetheless. I felt your love and Im deeply grateful for that. Im just sorry that I didnt get the chance to reciprocate them in the same unconditional way. But Im more sorry that I wasnt the mature person that Im now back then. If I was, then there would probably be no regrets. I was so self-assured that you would live by my side forever that I didnt bother telling you how I feel. I was afraid that I'd sound corny, and I thought I had all the time in the world.
But I was wrong.
Reality came crashing down on me so abrupt, so forceful I felt like dying with you. You were suffering an illness so it's normal for me to anticipate the possible truth that might eventuate sooner or later. But I didnt coz I refuse to. So I didnt mind. Until reality hit me that I mind. I was in total despondency and despair though it didnt show. I just kept it all inside til I felt like breaking down.
I should've told you everything; that I love you, that Im sorry, and that I may not have been expressive, but inside you mean the whole world to me. I should've made the most of your time here bonding with you. I should've changed myself to someone better and mature while you were alive. But what was done, is done. I cant change the past but I can always change the future..
Look at me now,mommy. I have grown, I've struggled to live a normal life without you. It was hard, but I got into the process. In fact, I've learned to do household chores quite efficiently and with less complains. I've started to open my mind and think of others. Though not all the time, but that's a good headstart,right? As long as I learn to balance everything then things would go on smoothly.
True,when you left I was inconsolable. But i managed to move on and live life like you wanted; cheerful and strong. I learned a lot from you and kept all those learnings fresh in my mind and in my heart. It's what motivated me to push through, though hard. What I am now and what I will become, I owe it all to you. You may have left physically, but your love and memories will linger on.
I love you, til we meet again...
True, you wanted everything to be easy for us that you pampered and tolerated us to the point that we were spoiled. You never demanded, rather you always leave us options and choose to plead. You are an epitome of a selfless mother. Kind, patient, enduring, understanding... God,how I deeply regretted closing myself from you while you were struggling to reach out to me. I was but an immature daughter back then. Stubborn, narrow-minded, and selfish. I didnt know any better than think about myself while you, on the other hand, continued loving me nonetheless. I felt your love and Im deeply grateful for that. Im just sorry that I didnt get the chance to reciprocate them in the same unconditional way. But Im more sorry that I wasnt the mature person that Im now back then. If I was, then there would probably be no regrets. I was so self-assured that you would live by my side forever that I didnt bother telling you how I feel. I was afraid that I'd sound corny, and I thought I had all the time in the world.
But I was wrong.
Reality came crashing down on me so abrupt, so forceful I felt like dying with you. You were suffering an illness so it's normal for me to anticipate the possible truth that might eventuate sooner or later. But I didnt coz I refuse to. So I didnt mind. Until reality hit me that I mind. I was in total despondency and despair though it didnt show. I just kept it all inside til I felt like breaking down.
I should've told you everything; that I love you, that Im sorry, and that I may not have been expressive, but inside you mean the whole world to me. I should've made the most of your time here bonding with you. I should've changed myself to someone better and mature while you were alive. But what was done, is done. I cant change the past but I can always change the future..
Look at me now,mommy. I have grown, I've struggled to live a normal life without you. It was hard, but I got into the process. In fact, I've learned to do household chores quite efficiently and with less complains. I've started to open my mind and think of others. Though not all the time, but that's a good headstart,right? As long as I learn to balance everything then things would go on smoothly.
True,when you left I was inconsolable. But i managed to move on and live life like you wanted; cheerful and strong. I learned a lot from you and kept all those learnings fresh in my mind and in my heart. It's what motivated me to push through, though hard. What I am now and what I will become, I owe it all to you. You may have left physically, but your love and memories will linger on.
I love you, til we meet again...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Keeping Faith
I trust God.I think that we should all do. We may not have any speck of idea what God is planning for our life or how He would turn things out, but I think we should all just relax. Take it easy. Breath in all the positive and breath out all the negative. Just that.
It is true that most of the unknowns are what give us the jitters. What intimidate us. What trigger us to think of the worst case scenario or possibilities. We dont know what's up ahead, what kind of life lies before us. It is really scary,dont you think? I dont blame anyone if they do feel that way. But with all that I've been through, I've admittingly gained new perspectives. My experiences taught me so much and having faith is one of them. That's right. Faith.
I know that I may not be as religous as Bo Sanchez, or as smart and influential like Oprah Winfrey, or as witty like Larry King. But Im proud to say that I know well enough to come out of my shell and live my life as God has planned with no fear. There may still be some setbacks-- or a lot, I suppose, and also some wavering times. But all I just have to do is take a leap of faith and all will be well.
"The Lord is at hand, have no anxiety about anything.." Phil 4:5-6
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